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Funeral Foul-Up

5/17/2013

3 Comments

 

SPACE DATE 2236.059

Last Tuesday, we held a funeral service for the late Corporal Mallory from the Space Marines detachment.  It was a solemn, dignified service in the missile loading bay, that is until it was discovered that Cpl. Mallory had been cheating on his girlfriend, Ensign May, with Nurse Vega.  That certainly livened things up a bit!  But once the two of them were separated and the overturned space casket was placed back on the loading stand, we managed to conclude the funeral service with grace and solemn dignity, and fired the missile-coffin out into the infinite reaches of space.

But then – get this – two days later, Powell comes to me and says that he’s found out from Cpl. Mallory’s personnel file, that he’s an orthodox Lollardian, and according the Lollard faith he must be buried in the place where he was born, in this case the colony of New Belfast.  After a terse meeting with the ship’s HR Department, I’ve come to the conclusion that, in order to avoid a formal inquiry, the Remarkable must turn around and start searching for the missile-coffin we fired off containing the mortal emains of Cpl. Mallory. 

So it’s been five days searching and nothing so far.  Given the unknowable physics of the vacuum of open space, the missile-coffin could literally be anywhere by now.  I’m starting to wonder whether we could just ‘find’ the late Cpl. Mallory in the meat locker … in a space casket that’s been welded shut.  I mean, that’s plausible, right?  

3 Comments
Steve
5/17/2013 04:19:48 am

Dearest Captain,
Please don't think me a Sunstalker. Although...I do find that my face takes on a rosy glow whenever I contemplate your exploits. Your ponderings of the deep unknown of space, of space regulations, and of space funerals never cease to inspire---and to remind me of why I never started a career in H.R. or P.R. for that matter.
But I have been wondering something---again, in a totally NON Sunstalking way: What would your ideal space date be? I'm asking out of curiosity for a friend.
--S.

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Cap'n S-Strike
5/17/2013 05:49:52 am

Whoa I'm not going to give away all my best moves on the interwebs, buddy! But here's a free tip: box wine all the way.

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ken
5/19/2013 10:48:34 am

Sunstrike. Maybe just tell the family he was disintigrated in a freak weapons accident. Fix all computer logs.

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    Jack Sunstrike

    Captain of the GSV Remarkable. This is my blog.

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